


what is love?

by emilia_kaisa



Series: August Break 2020 [6]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Monologue, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, augustbreak2020, idk i trieeeed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: love/lʌv/noun1.an intense feeling of deep affection.2.a great interest and pleasure in something.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: August Break 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859830
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	what is love?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 6- 'I love'  
> The muse is crying but I'm happy I managed to scrape something!

So, what is love?

_ love _

_ /lʌv/ _

_ noun _

_ 1. _

_ an intense feeling of deep affection. _

_ 2. _

_ a great interest and pleasure in something. _

* * *

It's such a peculiar thing, don't you think? From all the emotions, I think this one's the hardest to grasp for me, or maybe not exactly. Because I love my family, don't ever think otherwise. I love my city. I love my country.

And then, there's the ice.

How do I explain it, honestly? The feeling of coming home? The calm, the way it's suddenly so much easier to breathe. To forget. Maybe that's what love is, in a way. Forgetting about everything else and just letting yourself feel. In moments like that, love feels simple. Natural. Like something I'm truly capable of, also in that way songs and movies are talking about, like maybe some day I could look at someone the same way my dad looks at my mom when we come home after months in Canada.

But then, do I really want it? Is there enough space in my body to let something more settle there, with my head and heart so packed already? I don't think so, I don't think I want to find out. I'm not a coward, but if anything makes me anxious, it's the thought that someone could just come in and take my heart, and suddenly mean so much. It's just safer that way, I think. And that's what I need.

* * *

I always thought I was good at keeping distance from people. But why it's so hard, suddenly? Why does my body feels like being pulled by some magnetic force, closer and closer to him?

I don't understand, and it scares me.

But what scares me the most is that I don't want this to stop.

* * *

Some people say it's warm, That it's fuzzy and gentle and makes you happy and calm and comfortable.

So it can't be love, now. Because all I feel is cold.

* * *

What is love?

_ love _

_ /lʌv/ _

_ verb _

_ feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone) _

* * *

So what is love, exactly? Giving up? Letting go? Or trying, desperate and pathetic, until all it's left are the sharp pieces of what we used to have?

I don't know.

And with him gone, I don't think I ever will.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
